it's hard to explain. 

for one, -- I know your entire family is like this and it is normal for you. 

but if I need alcohol to enjoy my time with someone, then I would rather not be with that person at all. I prefer to skip the social crutch of alcohol and be fully there. and I'd prefer that person to be fully clear and there with me too. 

for another, -- I am aware that love comes in many forms, and I think this is useful when explaining a feeling which is love, but different. greeks had φιλία - something which I can reductively call brotherhood. I understand that feeling; I have felt it often. 

thirdly, -- if I only have so long to live, I'm not interested in spending time helping other people figure out the complicated mess that is their emotions (and all human emotions in general I suppose). 

fourth, -- you brought out something in me that I didn't know existed. growing older is strange. you keep learning about yourself and surprising yourself. 

finally (for now) -- I wish you all the best! all I see in you is potential and I am starting to understand the terrible hope and gift that is human potential.