I wonder frequently how I am supposed to judge the worth of my life. I don't think I'm fit to judge anyone else's. 

I used to think money could define my worth. Honestly, I'm not sure. But for now I'd say that money helps up to a certain point. 

I thought impacting lives could define my life's worthiness. Overall I'd want the world to be better for my having been in it. But then came the questions - how do I want to impact others? Which others? I settled pretty quickly to the category of women. But for those who I think I want to help, how best can I help them? I deep dived. It seems that for change to happen, a lot of work needs to be done at the policy level. For example, making childcare affordable and accessible to women. As an individual, I might have the greatest impact donating to charities addressing root causes, such as charities that make contraceptives accessible to women in poverty. So I thought myself into circles and settled for a low hanging fruit. 

Then I thought, what about love? I have loved and I have been loved. Is that not fortunate enough? Have I not been blessed? A life that has loved and experienced love - what more can I ask for? 

And yet despite knowing how fortunate I am, I still need to strive for something. And so perhaps I can come full circle back to what I wrote on my notebook on my first day of medical school, which was also something deep in my heart from long before that - if I can reduce human suffering in some manner, I think I would be happy. 

"Everyone deserves a chance at happiness," is what K told me. And even though I'm not the nicest or kindest person in the world; even though I've made my share of idiot mistakes and intentional actions, I am self-aware enough to understand that I have been given such a chance multiple times and I should extend that kindness more often to others as well. 

Ultimately, what must I do in order to pass without regrets? Such that when I am on my deathbed I can think, ah, it was a life lived well? To go in peace?