what feels like long time ago I asked you, what would you be doing if you had more free time? you answered and then asked me the same question. This is what I didn't say.

I want to be able to enjoy simple pleasures. Burn something sweet and frankincense, dim the lights, pull the curtains. Lean on a cushion, curl up with a good book. And enjoy it. 

I would spend more time walking alone. Just have good conversations with myself that make me laugh. I used to have those all the time. 

I would volunteer more. I think. 

I would spend more time with animals.

I think I'm a bit scared of free time. I don't really have a history of using it 'wisely', I remember a lot of hours spent playing computer games, watching anime and reading manga. More than that, I think I'm afraid if I had enough free time.. I'd learn things. Because now I tell myself that I want to give women a better shot and a better future. Equal access and rights to education, jobs, and easy access to contraception globally. I want women to have better lives. We aren't slaves. I'm passionate about this. 

But if I had all the free time I could ask for, what if I discovered that I love watching leaves rustle in the wind? what if I love walking all day, conversing with myself? what if with the precious few hours, days and years I have on this earth, I want nothing more than to exist?