Sometimes I think, it would be nice. 

It would have been nice. 

A little bit wistful. 

But I guess it's important to consider what it would actually be like if my wish came true. Because it's important to acknowledge the reasons why I said no back then. Why I didn't keep in contact. 

Some people are good in small doses only. And that's perfectly fine. 

I remember you putting me down. I remember getting angry all the time. I remember arguments that never had a resolution. I remember you telling me my experiences weren't valid. I remember thinking you were a little piece of shit. And I remember thinking I did not want this for myself for the long haul. 

Right now though, I'm grateful for the lessons you taught me. That I can be stubborn as hell. That I tend to want to be right. But it's a bit of a grey area, isn't it? I wouldn't have had to stand my ground if you could have empathised, even a bit, when I told you what being a girl in the army is like. The moment you said, 'well that happens to everyone', 'you're overthinking this', I hated you a lot right then. 

Yeah. So I remember.