I was told that I should allow myself to feel all feelings

Including loss and grief

In all its forms

Allow myself to experience it fully. 

But why would I want to feel something so painful and so sad? 

Is it because, over the days and months and years, as I allow myself to feel these emotions in spurts and waves - while staring through the car windows, or when a tune strikes a chord within I wasn't aware existed, or when someone mentions something offhand and I become aware my smile is now tight, my face plastic.. - as I learn to sit with this grief, regret, confusion, I also learn to say goodbye? 

As I acknowledge all that I had then - really precious things - and also come to terms with what I have always known - that moments come and go, and never return. And I don't have the opportunity to make new moments again. 

I suppose at the same time, looking things straight in the eye allows me to also acknowledge that there were things that I disliked at the time, things that troubled me greatly... things that led me to make the decisions I did.

Maybe it is only by going through this process that I allow the whole story to be told - yours, and mine. And maybe it is only by having the full story, one that I did love, that I can close the book.