I get the feeling that people are, sometimes, appalled by my style. 

Maybe by the fact that I no longer give a shit about rank. 

Maybe by the fact that I only do things for people I like. 

Maybe by my absolute disregard of stepping on people's toes, my saying 'no'. 

===========

You tell me that this is not my forever. That my life will be different once my bond ends. 

The frightening thing is how difficult it is for me to believe you. You mean this will not last forever? How would you know? What if things do not get better? 

I keep telling myself that this too will end, I keep saying it over and over. But it feels like it will never end, do you understand what I'm trying to say? 

It feels like I am stuck in this shithole for ever and ever. It feels like there is no escape.