I'm starting to realise that a certain type of man needs to talk down to girls. Education doesn't seem to matter. You'd think it would, wouldn't you? 

Is it self-esteem? Or is it just the way they've been brought up to see the world? 

It's exhausting how I have to stand strong against put-downs. I don't mean argue back. I mean... remind myself that I am intelligent, that I matter, that my analyses are sound. And go back into the world again with confidence.

I wonder what it is like to be a man. 

I asked an old friend today what I need to do, or be, for all the nonsense to disappear. Sometimes all it takes is the asking. I realised after I spoke that the nonsense will never disappear. What must change is me - I must learn not to care. I must learn a solid, deep, belief in myself. Not arrogance or stubbornness. But I need to learn to grow deeper roots. I cannot be taken down. I still believe that there is something out there - whether peaceful, or lonely, or soft, or insubstantial, that is beautiful and like music to the soul. 

Is it peace, or happiness, or contentment, or passion? I believe there is something. I will seek it. And I cannot be uprooted now.