It is the strangest thing. 

There was a TED talk, or a Google zeitgeist talk by a high functioning man who was the CEO of a company, who had a sex change operation to become a woman. 

And he listed some examples of situations that he had encountered in the past, as a man, and in the present, as a female. And he explained how differently people around him responded and spoke to him. 

In the former, his one statement was accepted. People moved on. As the latter, his one statement was challenged again and again. The other party (especially if a male) refused to accept it. The default assumption was that he was wrong, he was confused, he did not have his act together. But why was he treated so differently just because he was now a woman? 

Yeah, forgive the weird he/she use here. 

I am not, I think, a feminist. I don't fight to break glass ceilings, because I don't aspire for the top in the first place. I just want a house and a dog, old story, yada yada. 

I know I receive the benefit of the hard work of the feminists before me. I am grateful for that. 

Now back to the topic. My mom said something today that I think she would never have said to my brother. In the past I wouldn't have noticed. Somehow now, I do. 

I don't feel victimised or somehow disadvantaged or whatever. I just think that the conversations - those with me, those around me, those in the country and the region, are basically not very kind to females. It is a sort of conversation that says to girls, you should look good. Be pleasant. Never make the environment unpleasant. Be gracious. Something like being a vase of flowers. In essence, look good, make the air smell nicer. 

And then also... you're confused. You don't know what you're doing well enough. You don't have your shit together. 

And well, aren't girls "cute" when they're helpless? We buy into that shit too. 

I'm still not fighting. I'm just thinking. 

But please don't talk to me like my purpose was some kind of air freshener. 

Oh god I'm so tired.