I wanted to say, sometimes you just need that one person to believe in you. Just one person. 

I have been the beneficiary of that before, and without it I don't think I would have come this far. I want to be able to be that one person for someone else... but it is not easy. It is not easy to believe in others, I've realised, because sometimes people break your trust; disappoint you; do what people do. 

But maybe it will be worth it. Maybe time will tell. 

I like to ask, why suffering? I like to ask this a lot. 

Maybe one day I will stop my push and pull with suffering; this endless tug of war. Maybe I can sit down with it. I don't think it can help being what it is; I don't think life can help being this way. Maybe rather than this endless rage and questioning, I can sort of hold its hand and we can learn how to see a path out of this together. I may have been going about this the wrong way all along.

Bad things happen; there is suffering. I wonder if I will be able to make peace with this ... I wonder what the future has in store for me.