I wanted to ask about melancholy. 

So: does it have a point? This sinking feeling like a weight at the corners of my eyes and a shackle on my heart; a feeling that makes me thirsty for wine; a feeling like you are sinking down, a slow slide... 

I thought I had to fight it. 

Maybe all I need to do is drown in it; submerge fully; be engulfed. I think melancholy has something to teach me, before it will loosen its hold. 

I can't breathe sometimes for the weight of it. Can't move, can't sleep, can't do anything except keep my head above water. 

But I have so many questions. What is all this suffering for? Is it worth it? What is all this necessary teeth-gritting and keep-smiling and heartbreaking forward strides in the world? Will somebody please tell me if it is worth it? 

I don't think I should ask. I don't think this is a telling answer. I don't know but I think...I just have to keep moving forward. It's ok to not breathe sometimes....to mess up sometimes; to hate yourself sometimes; to be hurting all over, everywhere, sometimes. Keep moving forward. There is something there I think. I have seen it. Before.