I acknowledge your kindness, and at the same time I have witnessed your atrocities.
If this sounds convoluted, it is much easier than having to believe in either pure goodness or bad.
Everyone has good and bad sides. From my friends, I am willing to put up with a lot (although I never really have had to though?). But for non-friends, there is no need. Maybe because I am not wise enough, and my heart is too weak. I cannot endure endlessly. So I pick and choose.
Even though it hurts to do 'bad things'. I am not that kind. I am not kind enough, or strong enough, to keep from hurting others.
At the same time, I cannot control whether others feel hurt...or not. I cannot control people's feelings. Do I say this to absolve myself of guilt? Well, partially. But it's true, for one; for another, it applies to myself as well. I am struggling now, but I hope I will not be struggling with my conscience for long. I will learn and move on.