A close friend reminded me today that I am in danger of planning too much and acting too little; in danger of sitting on the sidelines and watching life pass me by. 

This is something that has haunted me since I was a child, right? Since I can remember I have been encouraging myself to step forward and resolving to move, to do. I have progressed a lot since then. Yet I am still hesitant, always second guessing, and still in danger, I suppose, of sitting on the front porch and watching life pass me by. 

It's strange how the things one fears most can come to pass. But she told me, life presents us with opportunities. You don't have to keep planning and trying to make it perfect. Trust yourself. You'll do the right thing when the time comes, and the time will come.

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But, you see... you don't understand. There is nothing I can ever do that will do justice to the life that I have been given the opportunity to live. It's too precious, and I want to be selfish with it. I want to do great things, but what great thing justifies spending the time of my life on? 

And what, she might ask, would you do with your life then? 

I am standing in front of infinite possibilities, you see. What can I do faced with that, but weep? 

I just want to read, and write, and paint. I want to put emotions on paper somehow, bring the invisible to light. I want to die knowing I have loved and been loved.