Maybe over time I forgot.

I'm not good with the sight of blood. Pooled on the floor. I'm not good with pain. 

My hand shakes. My voice shakes. Is this how it is for everyone? Did my colleagues get desensitised, or do they feel it and push through?

I still keep the Calm Voice - all HOs learn it eventually. Low casual tone, like you're commenting on the weather. Moderately soft, like you're outside an exam hall. The worse the situation, the stronger the Calm Voice you use. 

And then when everything is over, I just try not to throw up. Try not to worry about the chest tightness in the adrenaline rush. Think about what I could have done better. 

I hate it. Blood and pain.