so, despite all that has happened, I will continue to write. Because I have to write, alright? 

anyway I don't intend to allow pathetic people to stop me from doing what I love to do. 

in a sense, it's a little strange, what I've been doing all these years. 

writing my vulnerable heart and soul onto an open landscape for people to tread on. 

maybe it's because some part of me understands that that's the natural habitat of words. or maybe there's a part of me that's an exhibitionist. Who knows. 

I really just came to write about the nuance within 'things getting better'. maybe things get better for periods of time. and then things get worse. and rinse and repeat. maybe that's how things go. maybe there is no pure state of 'bad' and 'okay' but just cycles between each one. 

or is this just the anthem of lost hope, I don't know.