I don't want to be hated. 

So when you lied to my face, I went back and checked the facts first. But it turns out it was many lies, whopper lies, said to my face so audaciously. Did you think I was an idiot, or did you think I was too scared? 

So in the process of my checking the facts, the fact that you lied was broadcasted. And there will be consequences. 

I don't want to be hated. 

I could have kept it down. I could have said "next time..." But I didn't. I was angry. I was upset. 

Am I lacking in understanding? N would say, it's not about whose fault it is. He would say, listen to yourself. 

Well, I feel bad. I feel terrible. Now I have to deal with a troublemaker who has a target on my back. Now people may think poorly of me, because that guy has his friends and his own story to tell. 

Coming to the saf has been a process of learning to be disliked and looked down on and treated poorly. I think many people experience this. There are good people and there were good experiences. I have made some few friends. But it has not been healthy for the soul. The structure of this place and the people it attracts and employs make for a slightly toxic environment. Maybe it is like this in every workplace. 

I stay myself by listening to myself. If I feel guilt? Don't push it away and say I've done nothing wrong. Feel it. It sucks, but it's coming from you. Don't push it away. Hear it. You honor other difficult emotions as well, please do it for all of them.