I can't help the fear. I know some people face change and challenges with excitement; I face them with trepidation and anxiety. I was not brought up in an environment where it was alright to make mistakes, and when we do new things we inevitably make errors. 

What can I do? 

I can tell myself that it's alright to make mistakes. Everyone does. Whether or not I dread this, I will too. 

I can tell myself that perhaps it's my attitude that matters more. Because life is a long game. So: don't give up. You can be slow, but don't give up. If you don't get it right, dust yourself off and get back up. 

If there is anything I know about myself, it's that I broke the dial some time ago. I can really not give up. I may be slow as hell but if I really really want to, I persevere through. 

So despite my fear... (you want me to wear what and run?) it's alright. I can't, after all, do it as fast as the other guys. But even if I end up walking the damn thing I will not give up, and that's the best I can do. 

And despite my fear... (you want me to organize what?) I will sit down and tell myself I can do this. I will make mistakes but I will give it my best shot. And my best shot is pretty damn good. 

And finally, despite my terror... (you want me to zoom call the what? You want me to choose my future lifelong career [maybe]?) I will....show up. And I may not be at my best, but I will show up. And that's pretty much the best I can try for this, to be honest. 

I want to one day be someone who can look at a challenge, an uncertainty, and be excited about it. To see something hard and not be scared; instead, to feel like it's a challenge, I will make mistakes and I may fail, but that is okay. It is okay. 

Why? Because... I will have gained something from it. I will have, in some way, grown. 

I think integral to this is the outlook that we have on life, and on people. Is life cruel, where one must do whatever necessary in order to survive? Or are there unexpected good things, kind people, space for everyone to grow? 

And do people grow? Can we improve? Can our baseline rise? Or are our abilities fixed? Are we limited, or limitless?