Some ground rules

If you have something to ask me, ASK IT. Don't waste my time beating around the bush and making me waste brainpower trying to figure out what you want. ASK IT. Acting helpless and coy just makes me lose my temper, especially when it's 7pm and I STILL HAVE THINGS TO DO. If it's that urgent, so urgent you need me to do it NOW or within the hour then you should be able to put it into a sentence and ASK IT DON'T YOU THINK.
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Isn't it just basic manners that when you hold a conversation, you take into account what the other party is interested in? Or do you really think that ___ is so interesting. Do I look interested to you? I didn't think so.
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If you're going to call me about panadol freaking panadol there is NO NEED TO FREAK OUT. You should be able to call me without sounding like you're having a heart attack on the line.
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I AM NOT GOD. WE ARE NOT GOD. THERE IS NO HUNDRED PERCENT SUCCESS RATE FOR ANYTHING. ANYTHING.
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I am not your counsellor. Please don't call me to talk about how unfair life is for you, unless you're actually my friend then sure.
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This is a hospital, not a hotel. Why is it so surprising that we don't serve your favourite food? This is not a bloody cafe.

Also, this is not a pasar malam. YOU DO NOT TRY TO BARGAIN PRICES WITH ME. We do not give 'discounts' for heaven's sake.
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Don't expect us to solve your knee pain/constipation/random bone bump AND your headaches, stomach pain, etc etc etc when you came in for a fracture. We cannot make you 20 again.
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STOP TALKING WHILE I'M AUSCULTATING YOUR CHEST.
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DON'T ASK ME FOR DIRECTIONS/THE NEAREST TOILET/THE WHATEVER WHEN I'M POST CALL AND WAITING FOR MY TAXI. When I haven't slept for 36 hours everything looks like mud. DON'T BOTHER ME.
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I'm going to change my name tag to 'RAGE'