It's so strange because for the first time I don't want to talk to other people about it. I don't want to hear what a therapist has to say. If their greatest contribution is to reflect my world, my emotions and struggles to me with more clarity and some perspective, well, this time I don't need it. 

I already know. I just haven't decided if I will know and endure, or if I will act on my knowledge. Do I grit my teeth and move onwards, like I am so good at doing, or do I say - no more. 

Strangely, I have rarely felt like I have a choice. I have approached goals and objectives placed before me with a do or die attitude, with real emphasis on the die. If I didn't get into med school, one of my options was to kill myself. I was brought up with no illusions about where my worth lay. And to be honest I never loved myself very much. 

But I have always had a choice. And I already know what to do, the question is, will I do it?