And it's like the words are evading me; my verb friends have gone to ground, the nouns are in hiding. I can't find the words - have perhaps never been able to find the words - but I can barely even try.

I feel like the best of us are all grasping towards something - what is it? What is this thing that we circle around, stumble on its mist-dimmed peripheries, what is this thing that try as we might we cannot obtain?

I feel like we are all a little

Blind.


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Today I walked around with a dull cotton-padded heartache. Today I had the opportunity to cry for the death of a person I never knew but for a day.

There are times we want to ask for forgiveness, but the person's gone. If the hurt is not too deep, we can confess it to other people - not because it works, but because it helps.

So I told my auntie and I cried. I'm so sorry.

This will be one of those things that will change the way I do things from now on - I remember Mr R shared a similar story with us once. All of us accumulate scars. But, I'll be okay. It's good to sleep, wake up, and try again to do better. What else can one do?