Do I want love? Do I want peace and quiet, books and solitude and loneliness? When we have a thing, we have its shadow as well.
Do I want love and arguments; do I want companionship and compromises?
Do I want to be saved and to lose a bit of my self-respect?
Do I want independence, and struggles not ever entirely won?
Do I want answers? And despair?
Do I want a massive change, and do I want to struggle?
I honestly don't know.
"Marry, and you will regret it; don't marry, you will also regret it; marry or don't marry, you will regret it either way. Laugh at the world's foolishness, you will regret it; weep over it, you will regret that too; laugh at the world's foolishness or weep over it, you will regret both. [...] Hang yourself, you will regret it; do not hang yourself, and you will regret that too; hang yourself or don't hang yourself, you'll regret it either way; whether you hang yourself or do not hang yourself, you will regret both. This, gentlemen, is the essence of all philosophy." -- Kierkegaard
I want to make the choice whose shadow I can embrace the most.
But sometimes I just want to look at the sky and watch the clouds pass.
"The happiness of the bee and the dolphin is to exist. For man it is to know that and to wonder at it. -- Jacques Yves Cousteau