And so maybe it was the triumph of parenthood when, one day, **** asked me, "Why don't you seem to feel anything? Why am I the only one who---?"
And I said, "But if everyone is agitated, then things are really screwed, right? If at least one person is ok, there's still a chance." And secretly, I can get upset on my own later. At home. Next week.
Even now when I feel sad or despondent, as if the world is about to end, I still hear their voices in my head telling me, Don't dwell on it. Find the solution. Move on.
And sometimes, too, I hear my own voice answering, But I feel terrible. Can't I feel what I feel?
I guess there's no right answer. Even if I become expert at holding in my feelings, eventually they have to be addressed. We live surrounded by, aided by, and increasingly guided by machines, but...we're not machines. There is a lot to be said for worship of technology; there is a lot to be gained from being logical algorithms. But I am who I am, and feelings matter to me a lot (my own especially LOL).
So yes. I'm upset. I'm so upset I haven't hit the bottom of the upset barrel yet, but I suppose I can't stay here for long. I suppose I must hold my head above water, and maybe even learn to enjoy this dratted sea, until the end.