Thursday, December 14, 2017

And so, where does someone like me belong? 

It's not a secret. I despise people. I look down on people. I get disappointed in people, especially those I love. I have the desire to monopolize people - a desire I fight, and intermittently I'm successful. 

I also look up to people. I tend to think well of them until they prove me wrong, and then I'd be like...'why?' By now I've learnt to avoid talking to people who I can guess will hurt my opinions of humans in general. I'm not denying that people like me disappoint others too. 

And I do hate myself sometimes. Get disappointed in myself. Wonder why, wonder if, wonder how. I know that my actions are mine, although sometimes earthquakes or lightning forces my hand. 

I know that I'm a small puny nothing in the scheme of the world. 

The reason I'm who I am is that I hold certain contradicting beliefs and I haven't swung too much either way yet. And I know, I know okay? I'm not doing the right things the right way. I know this but I don't want to do these right things, so tell me,

Where does someone like me belong? 

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