He swallowed. 

That's how the story begins.

---------------

I once read something along these lines:

Think about something you absolutely don't want people to know about you - something about your character, your desires and wants. 

Now consider the possibility that everyone already knows it. 

Within the first five minutes of conversation most people can see through us and intuit things we don't know about ourselves. It's almost certain that the things you're ashamed about yourself are things your friends already know. So act with that knowledge. Learn self-deprecating humour. Learn to live with your vulnerabilities in the open. 

So today I had a conversation with a friend and we spoke about pain and suffering. But I'm not wise. I'm not very smart. What am I then?

I try to joke about the things I hate most about myself, because I know - even though I always used to hope otherwise - that these ugly sides of me are apparent. I've been called out on them before. I've read the looks before.

Sometimes, though, it gets too painful to joke about. Sometimes I wish very much that I were different, but I'm afraid if I take that step the ground will fall out under my feet.


Lucius - two of us on the run