I just finished watching all the episodes of Thirteen Reasons Why, and it's pretty heavy. Although I did watch all the episodes back to back, so it's also pretty interesting I guess.
These days I get these comments a lot: am I gullible? Stupid? Awkward? Inexperienced? What does 'cute' mean? And 'innocent'? And the fact that put together I unknowingly said some things that pissed some important people off?
I want to not unknowingly say 'rude' things... To change, but I don't actually want to change drastically. I don't want to be politically correct all the time, because I want to be true to myself. It matters differently to different people, but it matters to me... it matters a lot. And that means I treat people like human beings, even my superiors. It means I say things the way I think them, although I gotta learn to put a better filter on that.
Various people at different times have told me that it's okay to have ideals. That the world will show us, indubitably, the reality of life. It will shave off our corners and make us less abrasive in general, make us fit in.
Sure, I'm not going to argue against that. But what I hope for is that I will be able to hold onto a piece of me, a small piece of that unknowingness that's getting me in so much trouble now. Because we all justify ourselves, right? Maybe that's what I'm doing. But even though it got me in trouble, I do think that it's important to be true to yourself.
Because we can't all be the same, can we? Even if the guys who say and do the right things, who suck up blatantly or subtly, who can pull the right strings—even if these guys rise up exponentially and are the envy of everyone 5, 10 years in the future: good for them! It's important, sure. It's not the most important thing to me.
Did you know lobsters used to be a poor man's food—they used to be served in prisons?
I want to define what matters to me, that's all. And the world may shave that down, too, but let me keep a bit of it, please. Just a bit.