What changed?

One day I realized I can't be anything else, and that all my life I have been trying to be something else because I don't want to suffer. And in the process of trying to find a way out of pain I have been stumbling into pitfalls all the way because this is what the wrong path is like. I have the options of suffering I choose, and suffering that is brought on me, and once I realized this there was only one choice to make, because after all suffering without meaning is simply torture; suffering with meaning is pursuit.