Tuesday, February 23, 2016

Harsh and sweet

It's a simple question but well...

So I asked my auntie today (while I was slicing zucchini and thinking about various things), "auntie, are you happy to be alive?"

(Yes, word for word, as you see it! I was cringing before the words were out of my mouth.)

"Of course! You have to appreciate life and be happy for everything you experience."

I am happy to be alive. I get to make all kinds of food, and see my concoctions increase in deliciousness as I experiment more. I get to hold newborn babies, which are SO CUTE! They're squirmy, warm and super soft and just super super cute. I get to awww at kittens and puppies, and pet soft fluffy dogs. I get to laugh with my friends. I get to travel, try new things, and read books... all kinds of books.

I can have soul searching conversations over lunch or dinner; I can hug people I really like; I can hear music, good music; I can experience or see people being kind, compassionate, funny, empathic, knowledgeable but willing to share - all kinds of combinations of harsh and sweet at the same time, and be either awed or irritated.

I'm happy to be able to see beauty in the world, in all kinds of forms. I'm happy to feel like I'm improving myself and becoming someone who can contribute to the world around her.

A lot of things make me happy, which is good, because a lot of things make me upset too. I'm a human being, not a chess piece, and I don't enjoy being manipulated. At the same time, recently I find myself looking at my values and wondering what I should do next.

I think life has a lot to be happy about. But sometimes pride, selfishness or fear gets in the way. Now, self-preservation is a strong motive to act poorly. But... isn't life too short?

Maybe I'm just trying to convince myself. But I'm tired of this. My weaknesses always seem to get in the way.

I know it's not all about me, and no matter what I can't change other people. But I would like to do what's best for all parties concerned, or at least the best compromise, and hope for the best. Because when it comes to people, I don't believe in win/lose. I think the moment there is a 'loser', everyone's lost.

Michael Buble - the way you look tonight

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