Sunday, February 28, 2016

gosh darn mistakes

I realise it's easy to tell myself that good things will happen. That if I work hard, do the done thing... frickin' awesome things will be on the horizon. That somehow, someday, I will be living happily.

I don't have a concrete goal, only the sense that I want to be a better person than I was yesterday; I know that in the future I want to have deeper insight and understanding of myself and others. Now, unless all this is lip service, the best way is to go head on. The best places to target are the ones that scare me and make me cry. Wouldn't it be better to focus my energies on where I'm lacking, as opposed to what I'm good at - the stuff I do all the time already?

So I won't say any more that good things are ahead of me, rather, I'm going to make some gosh darn mistakes! It's bound to happen if I do things I'm bad at, to get good at them.

And that's okay. It's mortifying and it's scary but it's okay. Because I have no clue or guarantees that there are good things in the future, but the present is mine. My experience of time - these passing seconds - are mine. And I don't want to parcel them for others, or pander to conventions or expectations any longer. I'm not Buddha and I'm not perfect! I can't live a life to fill other people's expectations.

Baek A Yeon - shouldn't have

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