Monday, December 28, 2015

All that we can be

I wish I could demonstrate how much I love them. I know that my parents are wonderful and exceptional, but I don't give them the appreciation they deserve.

Sometimes I just can't. Maybe I was wishing they were more mainstream, more normal; maybe I was just irritated at the quirks you can't help but know when you're a (young) adult who's lived with your parents forever. I conveniently forget that they have felt the same way about me, too - and they have (almost) always chosen to show care instead of frustration or disappointment.

Maybe I get upset with them because we're connected, and deep down I might believe that part of me is who my parents are. So I get upset, wishing they wouldn't do this or act like that, because that's me you're hurting, that's me you're making vulnerable... Really, I just haven't taken responsibility for who I am. Maybe I have no friggin' clue, but I need to take responsibility for that too.

I really do believe that we just don't know each other that well, as strange as it seems, because most of my life has been spent not talking to them.

But hey, at every moment, we're all that we can be. Until we see or feel something new, and we learn different ways to be - until then, I think we're all doing the best we can, with what heart and knowledge we have. Let me do my different best now.

I gave up making resolutions a while ago, but if there is a Santa Claus, or a lucky star, or some magic moment at the birth of a new year, then help me out! I want to make this right.

Special note! To the awesome people who wished me a happy birthday, y'all are THE BEST! The best!! Thanks again!! =^^=

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