The answer would be yes... only, not in the way you mean. If I had to judge by the ache of having it and the pain of losing it, then yes, I have.
The one thing that I cannot, apparently, at the present moment do, is to share a life with someone. To be responsible and accountable to that same person. To have part of my life intertwined with part of his, I guess. Life can be pretty twisted and out of control, and why, or how, would I deal with complicating it further?
I like people, and there are some people I love, but just like I can't see a clear ringing note, or hear the color of heartache, I can't bring myself to do...this. Whatever this is. And sometimes I wonder if I'm not made for this world? Maybe I belong somewhere or sometime else?
But that's a lie; I belong here, and all that stops me from believing it is the part of me that doesn't want to believe it. Maybe I can find someone like me, and we can not-love together. I, don't, know. That sounds lonely, as if it isn't already!