Friday, August 21, 2015

Into pieces over nothing

Is it a human characteristic to believe that we're stronger than we actually are? We tell ourselves 'it doesn't matter', 'it's insignificant', 'I should not be bothered by this'. But we do have feelings, and we are affected by these things.

So what? Events play with our emotions and state of mind. Understanding that it does happen is the easiest way to step out of it; not thinking about it doesn't mean we're stronger, just like walking out the room wouldn't mean we won the argument. And blaming others...we do that when we're afraid we can't handle it - events, reality, being out of control - on our own. It's protection of a self that we subconsciously acknowledge as weak and in need of defence.

It is, I guess, also a human characteristic to underestimate our strength. It has something to do with our strengths and weaknesses being one and the same, only we can't see it, can't modify them to suit the situation.

Anyway. Today I had to draw blood for one patient. My first time on an actual person!! But she was old and had 'runny' veins that we - the HO was REALLY nice and helped me every step of the way - couldn't poke. In the end I handed over the baton, heart thumping in the palpable silence of the room, and he drew the blood from a different vein.

It wasn't so bad.

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