Friday, May 22, 2015

This is how it happened

I realise that I spend a lot of time thinking. Or rewinding things in my head. Or pulling random things from my memory bank and sort of placing them next to each other. This is usually what happens:

I get home. I do whatever. 
I open my computer and start the music. I check the Blogs. 
Depending on what has happened up till then, I pick a type of music (soft&sad/ pop&dancy/ the rest)
...and I sit around reading manga or random books - and scribd has a lot of random books on so many topics! Did you know there are wildlife reserves in Africa where volunteers from all over the world take care of lions and baboons? Do you know how common it is for people who climb Mt Everest to lose fingers and toes to frostbite? Do you know about the history of cancer? (Actually I don't; I got bored reading. Cancer. How depressing). 

Aaaaand depending, I start typing something on my blog. Usually something along the lines of the elements of self esteem/ the shit that made me happy but really shouldn't have/ or maybe it should have and what does that mean anyway?/ the things I would give the world to change/ why can't my parents own up to having spoilt me horribly and yet also pushed their lifelong dreams on me?/ the words I would say if...and there was no tomorrow/ dang that was a good book/ my bear is taking up half the bed. So I hug it and it takes up a quarter and it's warmer./ It's so hard to be a parent. I don't want to be one./ I shall not ever bake bread again because the process of growing and keeping yeast is so troublesome/ I keep having nightmares about fish. Urgh./ I wish I had this whole life thing figured out. But then again, who has? 

..... something along those lines. I used to wonder if guys had many things clamoring in their heads and therefore always chose to answer what are you thinking? with nothing since it made it so. much. easier. And then I learnt that they sometimes were really thinking of absolutely nothing. It sounds very zen, I suppose. (tongue in cheek heh) 

Right, after typing a few lines, I delete the post, or publish it then delete it because I swear the words are dying of embarrassment. Or maybe it's just me. So I take it down. Ha! 

Next, I continue with what I was doing before (manga, reading, sometimes homework). Eventually I get so bored I open my blog again and type something that has nothing, absolutely nothing, to do with what was bothering me so much earlier. I preview it once and read what I wrote, wondering why I went through so much trouble earlier to end up typing...that. 

I post it anyway. 

2 comments:

  1. Sometimes boys say "nothing" to cover up embarrassing things ;)

    ReplyDelete
  2. Haha that actually makes me even more curious about all the nothings!

    ReplyDelete