No matter what, I'll take what N said to heart. That in order to change, we have to move. Or else thirty years later we might still be in the same place, shriveled inside and blaming, wondering why the good things passed us by.
I won't do this again. If I'm going to give up on myself, I'll do it out loud, and change the flag colours, and I'd better be on my knees. But until then...there is so much more I can do, to not end up there again.