Saturday, March 21, 2015

There is this thing about moments - good or bad, they can't be preserved. They come, they go, they're ephemeral. And that's what makes the good moments so precious. We know that unique particle of joy is only going to happen once in our entire life. We can't record it for future reruns, because even if we shutterbug it, we can't recreate our state of mind, the sounds, and the frisson in the air. While we can have many good moments, we can't ever have that exact same one again.

Maybe that's why people cling so hard to things they can keep. Things that won't slip away with the sand in the hourglass. With objects, we don't have to deal with knowing they won't last. Even if they spoil, they can be replaced by something exactly the same.

Maybe that's why people wax lyrical and sometimes get scoffed at, but still continue to say things like 'the most precious things in life can't be bought'. They're the things that we can't touch. Things like...I don't know, the look in your eyes. Things like shivers in my brain. Or morning sunlight on floor on a day that feels pretty damn good.

Of course there are many things I still have to deal with. Things that I can change, make better. Stability doesn't have to be stasis, which is my definition that may not echo others'. For many people, stability is things never changing. That just isn't good for me.

Anyway. Hopefully I'll be making some good moments in the next few years. Entering the wards is really exciting, but also freaking scary. I'm afraid I'll hurt people. I'm afraid I won't stay true to myself, which matters to me.

So yes, people change; moments don't last. Treasure it when it happens, and let it go. Living is always more trouble than I think, but it's worth it after all.

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