Friday, March 27, 2015

"I'm very disciplined" is what anorexics say, dad!!! What the hell is going on? Huh???? HUH??? Can I just freak out for a moment.

Look, I know I don't have any right to preach. But I have every right to worry.

I spend my life looking for normal people, normality, and this is what happens: I categorize. People who do this, people who do that. People who talk loudly in nasal voices and push; people who think about others' needs and sometimes overburden other people with kindness; people who make backhanded digs; people who are insanely smart; people this people that. Only now am I starting to realise that normality is an illusion. There's no such thing. We all have our own quirks., seriously. WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON.

I'm sure you're very proud of yourself, you can resist!! You have complete control! You are freaking awesome, so disciplined, the pinnacle of self-control!

Yeah, yeah, I have control issues as well I know. 


Oh. I know. I wasn't looking for normal people. I was looking for people who have found peace. Well-grounded, stable, self-assured, and comfortable with themselves and their own skin. This doesn't come with a well paying job, a family, designer goods or other stuffs. We can envy others for their advantages and accomplishments, but the kind of peace I'm talking about doesn't come with those. Maybe brash confidence or arrogance does, but I'm talking about...a confidence that's so deep that it doesn't need to be proven.

Who in the world has that? Nelson Mandela? Thich Nhat Hanh? The Buddha? Actually, there are also nameless people (some cause I forgot their name haha) who I've met who have that.

Anyway. Ahem. Done freaking.

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