Thursday, February 26, 2015

I did a quick look-through of what I blog about and ended up with the question...what do I blog about??

Random thoughts (god, some are so random), some baking bits, a lot of quotes, some stories...Maybe 'this is what I'm thinking about today/have been thinking about for a long time but decided to write about today for some strange reason', maybe one of these would be the general theme.

Is that ok? Sure it's ok. It's my blog. I can start writing about naked elephants (but aren't they all...)


...but I'm not that interested in elephants, painted or otherwise. Point being I can write about anything, and I do, and if I muse about the more inexplicable stuff here, people won't actually have to hear me say them, and be driven crazy. At least here you can scroll down, or quit tab, or, I don't know, throw the laptop against a wall...

Anyway, today I was thinking about something my mom once said: that for some reason, people tend to take on the characteristics they hate in other people. Small note: I think hate is more related to fear than to morals/value infringements (the latter tends to be expressed more through righteousness, anger, or disapproval).

For example, I can say I hate liars, but really I'm afraid of being lied to, and not knowing that it's happened. The second-guessing puts everything on shaky ground, and makes me feel kind of lost. Do I assume I've guessed right and let it slide, or do I get irritated (am I irritated?). Or maybe I've guessed wrongly, in which case I should stop following this train of thought....generally I just end up avoiding the person thereafter. The confusion that being lied to creates, results in me lying when I want to protect myself from something or someone.

Or I can say I hate greed (actually I dislike it; there are worse things to hate), because my dad is all about self-control of our desires, especially eating. Well, all this excessive emphasis on eating right and being able to control ourselves isn't really healthy (and hello aren't you a smoker?). I don't actually hate greed, I'm just really afraid of seeing it in myself and boom.

Boom? I suppose I don't want to be derided, the way he points out fat people to us and scorns people who don't have his measure of self-control. I don't know why it's so important to him to be better than everyone else in this aspect, but then most people have something that they want to hold over others. Me too.

One day I hope I can say, I may be better or worse at some things, but that does not make me more or less than anyone else. I have quirks and flaws, and if that makes me unlovable, I don't think that love is worth much. I know that sounds like an excuse, but hey, I also believe that if we really love ourselves, we will take care of ourselves - mind, body, relationships and all.

i.e. I hit my kids but hey I'm human I have flaws is an excuse; I eat loads of chocolate on my period (note: one of my flaws is that I can TMI) and I suppose that's human :) Er, woman.

Ever since my mom said that years ago, I find myself checking every so often - am I turning out to be someone I hate? Which is, you know, a pretty good incentive to make me stop hating. But that aside, I think it's better to understand why I think so badly of some things, and if I can let that go, I think life would have fewer rules to live by. viva la effin' vida. 

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