Monday, September 22, 2014

recently I've been very tempted to ask this of my father: can you bring that with you when you die? what do you bring with you when you die?  *reasonable tone. VERY important- reasonable tone! not accusatory!!!*

and for obvious reasons, I have not and will not ask lol.

all morbid thoughts aside. I just have been trying to convince him to let me throw the second bed in my room. no one else in the family is going to use it. and if a guest comes over, tough. I can offer a sleeping bag. I need the space. The bed is sitting there accumulating junk (not mine) and....taking up space.

The thing is, we bring nothing with us when we die. N-o-t-h-i-n-g. Just ourselves.

No clothes, no family, no medals, we go naked and we go alone. In fact we leave behind so much - everything we've ever had and kept, the precious and redundant, and we are left as memories. After years pass even the memories distort, and the distortions become more real than reality.

Everyone is pretty sure of what they are searching for. But in actual fact we nearly never end up chasing what we actually want.

For example, a common desire is 'happiness'. of course, that has different meanings to different individuals. perhaps possessions, exotic flavors, people. what they want may be stability, security, freedom, or excitement - which they call by the much-misused word happiness.

mistakenly searching for possessions as a source of what they actually want, for example, assurance that they have done well in life -- that they have achieved, excelled -- that they have lived a meaningful life -- well, of course their happiness is short lived. it's not even happiness. how can it be? who really believes they have led a meaningful life after buying a bag? it's a great illusion, that's for sure, which is what advertisements play up.

mistaking a person as a source of security = disaster.

the main point is, I figure that what people really want, can't be bought or wooed or stolen, etc. I'm not saying that hard work and striving is worthless. It has great value, but we need to know what we are striving for. 

And that which we are striving for, can we bring that with us when we die? will we be glad to bring that with us as we die? or, in terms of charity or contributions or other things you can think of: can we be truly glad to leave it behind when we go? if it's a yes to either one, great. that's happiness.

feel free to poke holes, I know this can be made into swiss cheese.

I just want to throw the bed.