one, for absolutely no reason at all, tell a lie and not know it until later. that you told a lie. for no reason at all.
two, shout at your mother. 'you think just because things have ended up the way they did, you've done everything right. you're wrong.' Stare into her eyes. 'you're wrong.' Wake up blinking through tears and thank God it was only a dream. thank goodness that pain is only inside, not out.
three, Mmmm whatcha say; Mmmm that you only meant well?; Well of course you did; Mmmm whatcha say; Mmmm that it's all for the best?; Of course it is;
four, hug your wet shoulders in a shuttle bus that smells of memories you've managed to forget and stare out at the rain, rain, rain.
five, wake up at two in the morning after ten hours of sleep, bathe, sit on the bed in front of the fan and wonder what to do with the rest of your life.
six, realise that you can see better with your spectacles off than on.
seven, stop three metres away from an old friend because your words disappeared.
eight, think you know someone well enough to intuit intention - but you're wrong; trying to do right, be right, be upright, but in the process you lose something important. in hindsight, 'doing right' was 'keeping safe'.
nine, burn matches in your room because you're not a pyromaniac, but you want to see what happens to things that are destroyed.
ten, understand that the more you avoid convention, the less you will be understood, to the point you are removed even from the sympathy of men.