I love my dad very much.
and if I do what I do to make him proud - solely to make him proud, and for no other reason at all - then I'm ok with that. sometimes I'm resentful, like why, but it's a moot point, isn't it?
I do care a lot about free will and making decisions for myself. but if I ever wonder how much I've been pushed by not-my-ambition to be where I am now, I mustn't forget that all the good I am came from my parents. or a great deal anyway :)
so it's ok. and thank you.