Wednesday, January 15, 2014

why does my brother think he can wake me up to ask me to run with him and expect me not to be irritated? whywhywhywhywhy. let people who are sleeping continue to sleep! lol.

I had a dream a long time ago which made me quite impressed with my dreaming capabilities. cause usually it's nonsense haha, dumb stuff. 

in a game, running for my life with a partner I didn't know, we came across two black doors. I hesitated and couldn't choose, but he said, 'it's not which door you choose that matters, it's choosing a door'. And he picked one and we were through. 

well there is no panacea, but I've chosen a door, haven't I?

Jeff or Jeff? Who do you want to be? You just wanted
to play in your own backyard, but you don't know where your own yard
is, exactly. You just wanted to prove there was one safe place, just one
safe place where you could love him. You have not found that place yet.
You have not made that place yet. You are here. You are here. You're
still right here.       
                                                      "You Are Jeff", Crush, Richard Siken 

I couldn't forget this poem because of the sense of making or finding a place, and moving forward/staying still.

it also still hurts to talk to people I was close to before but aren't close to any more. that is why. goodbyes. always more than the sum of spoken words and spoken meaning.

well, tomorrow is a short day, yay.