Tuesday, November 5, 2013

I bathe at 1 so that I can have the excuse of staying up till --? because I'm legitimately waiting for my hair to dry, cause dire consequences await those who don't. hahah. the fuss that's made about hair needing to be dry. ok for good reason.

It's the streetlamp phenomenon. When running or walking at night, more than one shadow is created from the row of lights along the road,

so a shadow is formed and chases after the first one, which gets fainter and disappears, and then a third one chases after the second one

perpetually, like that.

Drunk on (lack of) sleep. I can't talk about the complete fright of having my mother ask me about her symptoms and if she has some horrifying terrifying medical condition (this happened when I was ten, too, and I remember those fifteen minutes of my ten year old life up till now. I'm gradually beginning to understand that anger isn't just useless, it's the emotion of the helpless. and of running away).

And I can't talk about everything else. does she know what she's doing? maybe not, but at least I know what I don't want to do, which is indeed at odds with what I do, sometimes. I haven't learnt to build that bridge between them yet. properly.

I know y'all won't make the same mistake of believing that your battle is exclusive. Or that no one can understand, if not the reason, then the sheer amount of suffering. Well, yes, I'm concerned. 

It occurred to me once that in pure respect to what my parents must have gone through, and yet have emerged able to smile at us and love us, enduring is a given.

How are you still holding on

Maybe you'd be able to talk to me about it one day.

Songs - Kodaline