I guard my broken bits jealously. I'm sorry. I'm still honestly puzzled as to why it would actually bother someone when I keep all the crap in my life to myself? because really no one deserves to have an incoherently sad person on the other end of the phone at midnight? I mean, it's like, I don't want to burden other people that way. (even though...hahahha yeahh). but honestly. I'm not even trying to sound all noble, 'cause it's also *mainly* for myself that I don't want to annoy other people.
more importantly everyone has their dark little bits. It's just too scary and dangerous to hold them out for inspection. It's everything - who, what, why, how, why? I know it's in many ways also unfair, what I'm doing, because *disclaimer, exaggeration* locking yourself up to twist out of proportion and crumble when someone could and is willing to help you, but instead pushing them away 'cause you're too scared - well, that's unfair. that's every parent's nightmare by the way. I think.
I'm sorry I'm not strong enough to say 'I'm okay' at night when everything's slipping away and I can't quite keep it up, and you catch me out. I'm sorry I'm not strong enough to act perfectly fine and save everyone from all the concern.
Ahh but. I'm quite convinced (logically) that the answer is to solve all the issues and fizzle away the dark bits correct? or mend them, whatever. so while I'm working at it. while I get all annoyed and you get all annoyed and everyone gets all annoyed and then spaz! and spazzy happy and then all annoyed (is this life by the way.). For being great people despite and sometimes because of the downs. for being friends. I guess what I really gotta say is, thank you :)
if this makes sense. it's now a month.