Monday, April 23, 2012

flight of fancy


Giving up on normality is the first step to losing the whole game. so I don't care how; clutch on to it and never let go; it's really the last breakable thread and don't shiver so much, it's really - really quite doable.

by the way, what is this held-breath anticipation hovering at the sidelines? I don't intend to revert, at all, so relax :) thank you :) 

in the meantimes~ 

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"So what're you doing, this time?" His voice startles me out of my reverie; I turn very still. I do not look back. 

"Nothing..." The petals are pale pink, so smooth I can feel my gaze sliding past. 

"Uh huh." Our words float lightly to the ground - utterly meaningless. I train my eyes on a patch of grass somewhere, because I cannot seem to keep them on the pale curving pink. Still I do not turn to face him. 

After a pause, he offers, "is it so mesmerising?"

I wonder what actually drives his questions. Surely he knows. But then, of course he does. 

Go ahead, touch it, I want to say. Feel it. "No. No." Suddenly, I find myself fighting back tears. "They're going to die. It's just a moment-" My voice breaks off. This time the silence stretches - it echoes, even through an absence of sound. 

"A moment of beauty?" He says quietly.

Beauty? I flinch inside, and the air is too hot and too dry to breathe. Is that what it was? Beautiful? 

"No," I say, and it seems to be all I can say, a cascading rejection of everything I need and want. "It's a moment of nothing." Rising quickly I swing round, chest tight.

But there was no one, and the emptiness of the field seemed a hollow mocking laugh. Deep down I had expected it, and yet I stood silently, stricken, waiting for the numbness to collect so that my legs would bring me to the ground. 

Instead I turned and walked, then began running, home. It was to be expected, I thought, it was finally nothing more than a script acted out to the end, the ending known.

After all it could not have been anything else - because he had never accepted, and never would accept, existence.

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by the way, you can do it!! :D :D SUBSUBSUB

subway~~

sub okay!! :]]]]

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