Monday, April 30, 2012

confessions of--


please - I know it doesn't make sense - it's just that way. It's because I can function within something completely illogical. Or rather; I can't. Because apparently I cannot walk away, see? 

It seems like sometimes the greatest crimes are forgiven because we don't know any better; because we have views that disadvantage us, views that we've never been allowed to see and hence, views that have crept under our skin without a sound. The inherent belief so many people have of what is, must be and should be is so blind to what could be and what is complete nonsense that it's near painful.

Don't patronize, I know very well how far bewilderment can stretch before, blatantly, it snaps to refusal to understand. And it's quite amusing actually, this freezing touch that is so cold it burns and can't be discerned any longer as heat or ice. In that sliver of equilibrium, every justifiable (double quote, a hundred times) compromise of truth or feelings sway, mocking trust and all true sight that committed suicide. 

At the back of it all I wish I knew why people can be so screwed up. Why not throw away protection, and walk the hardest path knowing that you chose it? That's liberation, more than reaching a contrived goal that was never yours. I conclude that it's not liberation you want. You want to be entrapped, enclosed; I want to be free, and the door is there, untouched, without a doubt deadlocked. No wonder we never got along. 

It's not for fascination that I introduced you, because I never bothered trying to figure you out (I was too annoyed) But in the midst of these off-kilter perspectives and actions and feelings, you probably stand out as being the most consistently indecipherable one. If only because I remain too annoyed to try. Let it remain that way, life becomes so much more interesting. 

And, oi. mr gah. Stop it. Stop whatever the hell you're doing, creating friction and talking about crap you don't mean, dredging up the muck in your brain and flinging it at people. Actually, I don't care what you do with your crap, just don't throw it at my friends. Seriously. 

I'm not ignoring you. I'm talking. It's just that my volume is down too low. Sorry for the enduring grief. Sorry I disappoint. Well, actually, really, I am. Even if sometimes words aren't enough (literally, there are not enough left) I'll paint them happy. Okay? :) 

Aw, geez. The next post will be happier. 

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