Sunday, November 13, 2011

|| "Niña Bonita" - Chino y Nacho

You just sat down with me, and told me how proud I have made you.

I don't understand. I have not brought home a string of A's - not even one, to be honest. I have not brought you sunshine or laughter. The things I cook/bake are dubious :) I don't reply you most of the time, even though I do listen. I come back every so often with random scars or sprains or fall sick at weird times. I cry whenever you scold me. 

I know who I am, mostly, and I'm sure you do too. Yet you just told me how happy you are with the way I've grown up. 

You tell me how I've developed with morality and a good character, when I think that I'm pretty screwed. A good but screwed person. You say that I'm always polite, when I know that I just scream inside my head. You tell me that I can think critically, but I know that I cannot easily express my thoughts or line of reasoning. 

You tell me I'm an amazing child. 

Dad, thank you for believing in me. 

And we've already - silently - established that words mean nothing anyway. My word. So I won't thank you to your face, at least for this. On father's day you'll still get the hug and dubious baked thing hahaha. but the only way I can really say thank you, right now, is to live up to your expectations. 

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You tell me you've lost all faith in exercising. that you see no point in enduring so much, for so little gain. 

I nearly blew up. 

What enduring? excuse me? You run 2.4 twice a week, three times at most, do a couple leg lifts and pushups and you think you've just been through hell? you do that and you expect to be fighting fit, lean and mean in a few weeks? 

you're not going to get any sympathy from me. tell me your half-assed excuses again and I will be seriously pissed. you're waiting for someone to tell you it's alright not to exercise, you're not suited and there's no point anyway. please, I don't even ask you to run, and you want me to tell you to stop. what I'm most angry about is that you think this is supposed to be easy, for some reason. you have no freaking idea. 

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a note about wilson: my first impressions about people are usually wrong. so I conclude they are a pretty nice bunch of people :) but gosh, the first time I can talk girl stuff during trainings!! :D what a treat~ 

I do love talking with teammates, in fact we're more spaz and it's more comfortable. but girl talk is girl talk and ...I am a girl LOLLL. nothing can match up to the spazzyness and communist songs but ah. I had already given up on having this experience during training. so thanks, wilson :D 

: why not just get right to the point? do I look like I'll willingly answer all your insinuations. no. I will not. ask me directly. I may not say anything even then. how about you skip asking altogether, and form your own judgement. 

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oohlala I want to learn spanish! :D okay I'm in a strange mood haha. I've wanted to learn it for ages already, but my dad says hindi is a better choice. because of india and globalisation and all...BUT I WANNA LEARN SPANISH ;D oh, but I'll not actually get down to learning it anytime soon. wait till my lit scores a B first, maybe :) 

went to visit my uncle for housewarming. my baby cousin looks super cute when he runs omgg. problem is he's running everywhere and usually in the wrong direction. the bodoh runs into pillars, because he turns around and giggles at us like some happy maniac. then CLONK he hits a pillar. sigh. 

:) it has been a good day. tomorrow will be better.

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