walking hand in hand
one two three four
cheek to cheek and they're
whoa I've been listening to her songs every moment I can get on the com :)
must hurry up and start studying but when I'm not missing the mountain I'm trying not to scratch my mosquito bites off. it's just absurd how I spent so much time climbing wishing I was home [read: missing home when there were freaking leeches climbing up my boot/leg/ climbing ON MY BOOT/LEG, missing home when I was walking in the god damn tornado, missing home when I wanted a bath, missing home when we kena attacked by commando mosquitoes xDD, missing home when I looked down the 2,000m drop before making a 'leap of faith']
now that I'm home, I miss the mountain
I miss the nightly zens. the night sky with a full moon and stars that were so clear, writing in the book and reflecting on the day...and talking about some pretty dumb stuff xDD like the curry muffin? HAHA wait that's not dumb I'm actually gonna try it! :) but out of everything this is probably the most missed and most precious, it's like you look up at night in dry and warm clothes with the cool breeze and think, this is why I climbed
THE SCENERY. the scenery on the way to gunung tahan, from gedong up, it was just...amazing. I'm afraid of heights like MAD LIKE MAD MAD MAD but halfway through on some easy paths I'd just stop and look to my left or right. it was so stunning. I never thought it'd be like that, I've been up ayam and ophir, I've seen pictures from mountaintops but nothing can compare. I just wanted to sit there one whole day and just be surrounded by everything. well I got to walk there for one whole day, so hahaha!
THE PEOPLE. now don't get me wrong, I'm super happy to be home with my parents and auntie, but I miss talking lots of weird crap with everyone xD
during the tornado on gedong I think what I found most touching was how we didn't depress in our tents and get demoralised, instead we sort of went crazy, playing the BOM game and bomming joshua LOL, yanrui singing songs and shouting "日本人来了!". Mustering up all (really, all. after the waterman rainwalk, I needed all of it) my willpower to unzip the tent flap in one swing, then help out the yanrui and mr alex cook the mashed potatoes. 8 people sitting in a kinda wet tent eating mashed potatoes xD it was kind of scary when solo got mild hypothermia, but because of that everyone really sort of got together to help out. zachary ran out of the tent into the cold rain like 3 times to get tents, to help out and stuff, there's no way it wasn't cold!
haha I think it's super funny that some people believed the 'the tuna got blown away' thing xDD into their stomachs LOL!! later mr alex asked us 'what do you think tahan truly is?' and we all gave our own answers.
zhonghui: ended up being a our guide for most of the way. I think he feels pretty underappreciated too, 'cause he's the one that has the pressure of finding the right path. he also kenas thorns and overheads and pretty much everything since he's the front man. not only that, he had to keep slowing down for the rest of us. I think he's done a seriously awesome job of guiding us, and like mr alex said, even though on the first day or two he was kinda unsure at the end he was practically doing the whole thing by himself. guide zhonghui! also even though I've already said it to you, here it is: I'm sorry. I know on day 4 I was really slow. Well, skipping all the excuses I really am sorry, I also know joshua had bad foot rot on that day, and even lina was keeping up with your pace. aiyah, it's really been hard on you. being the guide was really tough and you never complained, so, thank you :D and good job!
joshua: somehow I ended up talking really little to you on this trip. well, half the time you just niao me and I sulk, so it's not something to be regretted..much. I think it's really amazing how you never complained about your foot rot, and kept going and kept up with the rest of us even though it was really - visibly, very painful. I remember at one time when you were near the point of tears already, it was quite scary. I think yanrui was singing songs for you at the back, and I'm sorry I couldn't do anything for you. as a tentman HAHA you pitched a tent on a root+rock+rock+root but since it was for you to raise your legs, LOL. At gedong actually the bag was completely fine lah, I was just - sulking, again HAHA cause you happened to say something to piss me off [what's new?] but you refused to pass me the bag at the start and only let me carry it at the end when the bottles were mostly empty, right? even though you did it in a very niao way...thank you! xD
now if only I could say this to your face LOL.
I just remembered something I think amy wrote in my graduation letter. that she's really glad I stayed on because otherwise it'd become an all-boys team, and could I imagine what the team dynamics would be in a team like that?
then I thought, like ncc?
then I was really guilty. oh yeah, I thought about it before too, that was the day I asked -- some stuff hahah.
I haven't come to any conclusion yet, or maybe I've just given up on thinking about it, but my thoughts are: maybe I'm the reason why the team isn't as bonded as it could be. or maybe I'm the reason the team dynamics are as weird as they are. or maybe I'm not a reason for anything at all and I'm just being ego :P but since I don't know what could be, and all I can focus on is what is
I'll just jiayous and be myself as much as I can, and help the team out as much as I can. which is strangely similar to what xinyi said in our htht.
on another note, this climb has hopefully helped me grow. after facing my fear of heights to that extreme - I was kinda shaking at some points - I really don't see how...-- could compare. I can't call -- fear anymore, after comparison it's nothing more than a slight apprehension.
oh, during the climb I realised our seniors might have been so nice...AHEM, 'nice' LOL - no, they were really nice to us xD training needs to be tough, but they really did their best to make it less tough for us. right, the reason why they were so nice might have been 'cause they didn't climb tahan O.O because after climbing, I'm not going to go easy on our juniors. HAHA watch out watch out! eh but I don't really know if I can be strict or anything, later end up I get niao-ed by juniors the way joshua niaos me, that'd be kinda sad. xD oh well!
yanrui: YOU AWESOME COOK! you're seriously awesome, even though I practically did nothing at all, actually forget practically, I DID NOTHING AT ALL for cooking, and you were left pretty much alone except for when mr alex helped out, you never complained. you were even cheerful almost always [unless you lost your gloves] and really thank goodness for you, really really. all your lame jokes and communist songs really lifted me [us!] up alot. even though you're scared of fire you still did an amazing job as a cook. you even went out the moment mr alex said we needed to cook. you're just awesome xD
solo: YAY WATERMAN :DD we were super duper seriously crazy AWESOME. filling water during breaks, filling water during lunch, [though secondary waterman and everyone helped out] walking in the tornado, being attacked by mosquitoes while filling from a TINY stream, carrying the 10kg baobao around, getting lost on GAYDONG AHHH. I think at one point during the pangkin water point I was near tears, being emo and stuff, thanks for listening to me during that time. thank you for being such an amazing waterman, and making sure we never got lost [by taking the path opposite of where I pointed everytime LOL XDD]. I was really surprised to hear you had foot rot too because you said absolutely nothing, and while joshua was warming his feet by the fire you were collecting water with me!? I kinda thought it was a less serious case until joshua said no, it wasn't, it might even be worse. then I was like HUH? O.O you should stop worrying about people thinking you're weak, yeah it's true sometimes we don't always say what we think, but no one in tahan is weak. and there are people strong in some points and some people weak in others. the thing is, you're awesome in your own way [and come on lah, seriously WHO DARES say you're weak? just challenge them to armwrestling :D ]
I still don't quite understand what you said that night, though I said I sort of did. the mystery? hmmmm.... I don't get it. it's like...confusing. sorry, it must have been pretty frustrating because half the time I couldn't figure out what on earth the mystery was. I think you were hinting - actually I'm pretty sure you were hinting LOL but I...uh. sorry.
but still. oh yeah, and good luck waterman (Y) hopefully everything goes better with your relationship, heaven knows you've been trying hard enough xD
wahhh, I need to do something about my appetite, it's been on some crazy rollercoaster since I came home. I'd be eating three bites of lunch and suddenly I don't want to eat anymore, or I'd be eating like 3 pieces of toast + 1 WHOLE MANGO <3 for breakfast. mangoes! <3 mango air hahaha!!
aaaand...THE ZACKARMAN. O.O looks weird. zachtard! hahaha!! LOL kidding kidding. you were an awesome captain and teammate, thanks so much for everything. I can't believe you took up two and a half pages on how you totally messed up. maybe you were a little underprepared as a medic, but whenever anyone needed help you were there like instantly. I think being a medic isn't as easy as it sounds 'cause in order to help others first you must be in good condition, and after hours of trek it's easy to zone out or be exhausted, but you were always on top of everything when you needed to be. you're always the first one to volunteer - to go out in the freezing rain to get the sleeping bags, to help the cooks wash, to help anyone with anything even when it wasn't asked, trying to get everything done faster and more efficiently. I think you take your responsibilities as a captain very seriously, and like everyone else you've made your own sacrifices. thanks for helping me out, during river crossings and crossovers and such during the trek. especially during some scary parts when I was losing it, you'd say stuff like 'don't worry, you'll never die one' HAHA. and in the end I didn't yay! yep we talked about some pretty lame stuff during the trek, I might've sunk into a zoneout state and walked into a tree or something otherwise, so yeah, thanks xD for yanrui's birthday let's tapao a $5 note for him (Y).
I still remember the giant white butterflies, and the dandruff that flew xD
the trip was really a memorable one. mr alex and lina, thank you. I'd write more-on how lina really pushed on, how I wouldn't have been able to come if she wasn't there. on how mr alex helped us develop by suggesting how we could improve, by being the adult when it was needed, by raising team morale and giving mountaineering tips.
even though I have my bed, I've started the last few nights closing my eyes and imagining the tent, the rustling leaves and nighttime sounds.
I guess it's true - once a tahanner, always a tahanner.