ER. hahahaha see how many people kena on monday >< wow I really hope it's not too many. I really can't believe it, owe alot of apologies.
Sat trek was bad at one point, but after that it got better, a lot better. I'm really grateful to all the people who cheered me up and were worried for me. I don't know how I'd have managed training without you guys, seriously.
but - I HAVE TO GET STRONGER. I can't keep making people worry about me. I can't keep being such an emotional burden. How much is acceptable and how much is selfishness? It's hard to tell sometimes, especially when my teamamates are so - amazingly - wonderful. No more taking advantage. Yesterday I wasn't the only one suffering. But he didn't show it, except when it accidentally slipped through. I really admire that kind of self-control, and strength.
There's so much to be learnt from each and every one of you guys. Amazing people seriously.
Um, about that 'every' part...hmm. After establishing that I'm not the only one with screwed thoughts sometimes, now what matters is what we're going to do. I can get pissed at him, at his faking, at his giving up on himself, at his intolerance for pretty much anything above a mosquito bite but those are his flaws and everyone has their own. I'm not going to be a saint or anything and accept him for who he is, but I'm going to try and understand a little, at least, and give allowance. he is part of the team
EVEN THOUGH IT KILLS ME TO SAY IT
but he's part of the team and I'll have to treat him as such. further problems addressed after graduation....sigh.
it's almost scary. graduation used to be a distant thing, and now it's a week away.
jiayous 36th. we can do it